21 Ways to Procrastinate Writing Your Story

It has recently come to my attention that some of you out there are hardworking, disciplined folk who put in butt-in-chair time without distraction at (usually) ungodly hours of the morning.

This post is for you.

Writing stories is hard work, both emotionally and creatively. To help guide you to more healthy and unproductive means of creativity, I have consolidated a list of my favorite tools of procrastination. In no particular order:

1. Check Twitter (a.k.a. networking, therefore within the realms of writing business)
2. Start your exercise program by trying out that new zumba/spinning/yoga class at the gym (dancing on a bicycle with one leg behind your back)
3. Read a book (training and education for your writerly pursuits as well as studying comparative literature)
4. Take a nap (recent studies have connected the brain activity of producing dreams with creativity)
5. Read blogs (research, especially if you read blogs of agents, editors, and writers)
6. Clean out your fridge (what is that substance in the Tupperware container anyway?)
7. Compose a list of ways to procrastinate
8. Follow all random links in blogs, and then links in the links, and links within those links, etc (research)
9. Scrub your bathtub
10. Read a list of ways to procrastinate
11. Pay bills
12. Check the mail (again)
13. Organize your books
14. Research baby strollers on Amazon (this may apply only to a specific constituency)
15. Troll YouTube for funny videos (Jeanne Damoff is an amazing source for this)
16. Search NoiseTrade for new music that no one else has heard of
17. Play with the settings on your new camera
18. Learn how to use Adobe Photoshop to make your photos look professional (still within the realms of creativity)
19. Remove the old, mildewed grout and caulk from your shower and regrout
20. Check email
21. Check Twitter again

I hope those few of you who engage in disciplined, everyday writing find this list helpful in your pursuits to procrastinate writing your story. Please, stop making the rest of us look bad.

Dear experts in the field of procrastination, please add your advice below.

Heather A. Goodman has been training in the art of procrastination for thirty years. She is now accepting applications for students, but be warned, you may or may not hear back from the sensei in a timely fashion.

Comments

[Alex Marestaing]

Thanks Heather for helping me procrastinate at this very moment!

[Jeanne Damoff]

Clearly this post was not intended for me, but I read it anyway. (See number 5.)

Re: number 14. HUGE congrats, Heather! How are you feeling?