After reading Heather's The Art of Rest and Thomas's Artistic Discipline for the Undisciplined Times of Life, the thought hit me: am I disciplined? And I laughed. Out loud, I think.
Because I feel like there is very little discipline in my life other than the part where I
Tumble outta bed and I stumble to the kitchen
Pour myself a cup of ambition
Yawnin', stretchin', try to come to life
But the 9-5 part? Nope, not this chica. apart from the coffee in the morning, nothing is disciplined. (And I imagine addiction and discipline are two separate things, but let me live in my bubble for now, ok?)
Years ago at a conference, a rep from Franklin Covey showed us this video and talked about prioratizing. The concept was visually seared into my brain and rooted itself there permantly.
(If video isn't displaying, click here.)
The priority list constantly changes though, at least for me. So those big rocks aren't always the same. They change daily, weekly, monthly, seasonally, and whatever comes next. Eleven years ago when my son, now taller than I, was nursing, there is no way I could've focused on any artistic venture. Even at three when he was less demanding, but still needy, my needs and priorities looked different. There are seasons in our lives when we're (pretty much) expected to be something for someone else. Some may see this as distraction, but when I read the gospels, Jesus stops. He takes care of business. Moves on. Doesn't phase him.
I've heard these encounters described as "divine distractions" and if I'm honest (which I am) that kinda makes me ill. The word distraction lends a negative connotation. Divided attention, mental confusion, to turn aside. My child was not a distraction to my artistic life, my child was/is my priority and probably always will be. His times of neediness just differ now.
So when life happens (because it does) and when things don't get done like the OCD-control-freak in me wants them to get done, I remember this one time when I was too caught up in other things to finish a Visual Prayer I'd promised to my good friend Angie. It was weighing on me that I hadn't finished it. But finally, it was finished and I sent it. About the time the post office was hauling it off, I realized Angie's birthday was days away, but I couldn't even pretend I'd finished it for her birthday present because I hadn't signed it "Happy Birthday" or included a card.
Double fail on the friendship part.
Angie called me. Told me about one of the worst days she'd had in a long time. And the story was ugly. She said, though, that when she got home and opened the yellow envelope and saw my prayer, she broke down.
For all of my procrastination, for the post office's infmaous slow speed, for all of everything to come together for that one prayer to be in her mailbox on the day she needed it...so NOT coincidence.
And therefore, if things feel undisciplined, maybe they're being handled by the Ochestrator of Creation for his own glory.
Think about that.
* * *
Michelle Pendergrass is rolling with the punches, planning the first ever Creative Soul: Worship Outside the Lines retreat, walking in faith, and trying not to be fearful for things God is ochestrating in her (scatterbrained) life.
If there is such a thing as coincidence, then it's just a coincidence. How many times have all of us gone through crazy situations, jumping through hoops, chaos -- and found out that something good happened as a result. Or what it means to someone simply to stop, listen and offer an encouraging word.
Many years ago, I was walking down the hall at work when I passed a new employee. I said the usuaL "How are ya doing" and she stopped me, and with pleading in her eyes, said, "Do you really want to know?" Taken aback, I nodded. And she poured out a story that sounded like melodramatic fiction, except it was all true. When she finished, she started crying. "I didn't have anyone to talk to about it."
That I happened to be walking down the hall at that point was no coincidence.
Posted by: Glynn | July 11, 2011 at 06:01 AM
Love your art piece. I have old church bulletins and have been thinking of using them in collage so maybe I should just jump in and do it. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Lisa Keck | July 11, 2011 at 08:30 AM
Glenn--I love that story! So many times we don't stop or if we do, we don't connect it to God.
Lisa--what I great idea!! I'd love to see what you create!
Posted by: michele pendergrass | July 11, 2011 at 11:46 AM
Weird that typepad comments spelled my name with one "l" I wonder how I fix that?
Posted by: michelle pendergrass | July 11, 2011 at 12:11 PM
So it was me? I can't even spell my own name? LOL Awesome.
Posted by: michelle pendergrass | July 11, 2011 at 12:12 PM
This is great, Michelle. Love your honesty, love the GORGEOUS piece you made for Angie, and love the tension between God's sovereignty and our choices. I do believe we must choose discipline (though I also believe I waste way too much time), but God rules over all things -- even our failures -- and He is always doing so much more than we know, moving mountains, or moving mail, or just moving our clueless selves down a hallway past a co-worker. May we spend less time obsessing about how well we measure up to our own agenda, and open our eyes to see Him everywhere.
Love to you!
Jeanne
P.S. I cracked up that you misspelled your own name. 25 points.
Posted by: Jeanne Damoff | July 11, 2011 at 12:56 PM
The art piece is gorgeous. Bravo!
I like the arc between my piece and Heather's and yours. I think you arrive squarely where so many of us have found ourselves.
Posted by: Thomas Turner | July 11, 2011 at 01:30 PM
I agree--Keegan is not a distraction, but a beautiful gift. I love spending my days with him. Of course, in my perfect world, I would also be beautifully disciplined during his naps, and I think I need to work on that, but I also need rest for this creative mind to work.
Posted by: Heather | July 12, 2011 at 08:54 AM
Zane NEVER napped.
Posted by: michelle pendergrass | July 12, 2011 at 05:14 PM