I'm not sure if I'm allowed to declare 2012 a year of healing. Does God follow our calendar? (His mercies are new every morning, right?) In the Old Testament, before He led his people out of slavery, God started the calendar anew before it was time for the Israelites to leave captivity. Rather mind-boggling for a nation of stiff-necked people who begged to go back to their captors rather than follow the living God.
What is it that I keep running back to?
Has He started my life calendar over when I wasn't paying attention? Time doesn't mean squat to the God of the universe. It's me that needs to tick away the minutes, the days, the years. As much as I'd like to pretend I comprehend timelessness, I don't. I can't. It's just not possible. It's like explaining economy to a nursing newborn. When God does a new thing, why don't I pay more attention? The first week of January is not God's time for renewal. He is available, willing and ready, every single morning. Every second of every day. And I need only abide. To draw near to Him.
So what if I approach His throne boldly and bow to his feet, humbly and declare that I need to heal? That there have been wounds open and sore and festering for days and months and years and please Jesus, if I could just touch the hem of Your robe...
Would he turn me away?
Was it not Jesus who told me to "Ask, seek, and knock?" Why do I pretend I have no open wounds? Is it because I don't trust Him? As the Holy Spirit whispers in my ear, "It's ok if you don't fully trust, I will teach you," I turn slow to Him. He coaxes me quiet with more gentle whispers, "I do no require perfection, only your heart. Your bruised and broken heart in My hands will become whole. No hiding."
Once again at His mercy, my prayer repeats, "I believe! Help me in my unbelief."
But this time, I'm willing to tell Him what my heart desires. Healing. Even if that means suffering through complicated extractions to rid my wounds of infection. We rejoice in our suffering because suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope and that hope does not fail because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
He did, indeed, start the calendar over before I knew I would be led out of captivity.
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~michelle pendergrass is humbled by His grace.