National Brain Surgery Month

January is National Brain Surgery Month, or Na-BS-Mo for short. Each year, people across the country get out their hacksaws and X-Acto knives and perform daringly complex between-the-ears procedures. You may not realize it, but each of us has at least one brain operation inside us. The trick is to let it out! 

Na-BS-Mo started off small, but each year our participation grows. There were skeptics early on, you can be sure. Why would you perform brain surgery if you're not getting paid for it? Don't you have to go to school for that sort of thing? Isn't it a little dangerous to the patient? But we didn't let the naysayers stop us. You know what we discovered? Cutting somebody's head open is a lot of fun! And it's therapeutic, too.

If you don't believe me, give it a try this January!

Of course, there are plenty of obstacles to overcome -- most of them self-imposed. This handy guide will help you slice through the difficulties and plunge deep into the heart (or should I say, brain?) of the matter.

• Objection #1: I don't know how to perform brain surgery. Neither did I before I gave it a go! Instead of sabotaging yourself with negative thoughts, get in there and start exploring. The first time you do Na-BS-Mo, the results might be dismal. But who cares? Just think: you'll have performed brain surgery! How many people can boast about that? Plus, once you get the skull cracked open, you'll be surprised how easy the rest of it is. If you're still too timid, join one of our regional support groups. We get together, make a few incisions, and serve snacks afterward. It's a great way to make friends.

• Objection #2: Is there really enough time for a novice to complete a successful procedure? Define "successful." See, this is part of the problem. You have a culturally-imposed idea of what successful surgery is supposed to look like. If you ask me, any procedure you feel good about afterward is a big achievement. The first time I did Na-BS-Mo, I barely had time to hack up a frontal lobe! Now, I'm so confident I could lobotomize the whole neighborhood and still have time in the month to blog about it.
• Objection #3: Isn't this what doctors are for? Wow. Can you say elitism? Since when did it take a medical degree to make an incision? Not too long ago, people went to the veterinarian to be trepanned. So come down off your high horse and join the real world. Performing brain surgery is something everybody should try at least once. Who knows? You might do such a good job that you'll get paid for it. Imagine how the 'real' doctors will squeal about that!

Throughout the month, you'll receive encouraging messages from famous brain surgeons -- some of whom even got their start with Na-BS-Mo. Last year, I was halfway through the procedure when my patient flatlined. Did I feel discouraged. You bet! But waiting in my inbox was a motivational note. Other people can do brain surgery their way, but only you can do it your way. Immediately, I felt so uplifted I went back to my bone saw and started on another pate.

Can you perform brain surgery? Absolutely. The question is ... will you? Your friends at Na-BS-Mo are waiting to find out.

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J. Mark Bertrand is the author of Rethinking Worldview: Learning to Think, Live, and Speak in This World (Crossway 2007). He lectures on worldview and cultural engagement at Worldview Academy, and hosts BibleDesignBlog.com, a site dedicated to the physical form of the Good Book. His debut novel, The Suicide Cop, will be published in 2010. His attempts at satire have not always been successful -- but then, isn't any procedure you feel good about afterwards a big success?

Comments

[Kaci]

Hehe. Nice. Very nice.

[Madison Richards]

Just sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Obviously very funny, but is it commentary or just good-humored fun? I guess that's for you to know and me to find out...

:)

Points galore Bertrand!
Madison

[susan fish]

Love it! And I get it. But it also reminds me of the strange sounds we once heard from the neighbour in the adjoining townhouse: we were certain he was performing Home Dentistry.

[Jeanne Damoff]

Ha! So great. 100 points, JMB. I'd say you have a gift for BS.

[Heather Goodman]

Head-cracking hilarious!

[Jim Sanders]

Very funny! I was wondering why there seemed to be an increase of the number of zombies running around during the previous month, hungry for brains. :)

[Christopher Fisher]

Oh my Lord! That is so funny you're going to get me fired for laughing on the job.

I'm taking all the points I've gotten from Jeanne and giving them to you.

[michael snyder]

Brilliantly funny stuff, Mark. I needed that.

[sally apokedak]

Very funny.

[J. Mark Bertrand]

Funny? Me? So I take it you guys aren't going to sign up?